@nottheworstmom

If you have trouble sleeping, you’re destined to marry someone who falls asleep in 10 seconds and will hate them for it.

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@Swishergirl24

Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney movie where the curse sounds amazing.

@KalvinMacleod

[pet store]
COP: someone’s been stealing puppies
OWNER: OMG now I’m missing another one
ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*

@SarcasticSadOne

Body: we’re exhausted. We’re going to fall asleep so easily.

Brain: you adorable idiot.

@HatfieldAnne

You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I’m stopped. I won’t unstop. Don’t look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God.

@thisislizz

I just yelled ‘Jayden’ at the mall and now I’m a mom to like 20 kids.

@SentenceReduced

Stop and smell the roses. Hug the roses. Procreate with the roses. Have little rose babies.