If you lean back in a chair and put your feet up on the desk, everything you say will be beaming with confidence and bravado especially if it’s not your office.
You Might Also Like
Christmas is becoming more and more commercialised every year. Pushing up prices in every sector
This tweet is brought to you by Tesco
Once again not all heroes wear capes
I hate when I skip lunch and come home and inhale my kitchen
MOM: One more word and you are grounded missy
ME: (terrified of being electrocuted) Yay!
My wife finally got a “Brazilian”.
He seems nice.
We’re all in this together. Now, make a human shield, peasants.
An unintentionally hysterical ad offering proof why ‘branding’ always needs a second pair of eyes.
[dog walking a human]
*walks by a coffeeshop with its door open*
HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE
DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there
I’m cat sitting for my daughter, and she sent me three pages of instructions, along with a video tutorial. Anyways, what’s a cat? She never specified that part.
My boss: Two hours is enough time to get lunch catered for a meeting, right?
Me: *screams internally* I will make it happen.
Doritos – my own personal love triangles.
If I were 30 years younger, I’d remember where I was going with this tweet.
Long story short don’t use sewing scissors to trim your nose hair if you’re drunk
Me: How was school?
11-year-old: It was a normal day.
Me: So it was good?
11: I didn’t say that at all.
why are there sports bars but not cute bars where u can sip wine and cheer for competitive cooking shows?
europeans read a lot because their television shows suck
I think one of the most amazing displays of democracy in history is that one thousand islands managed to come together and agree on a single dressing.
Y’all ever flex on vampires by just walking into people’s homes uninvited
Me: so this is a weird photo shoot lmao
The cop who’s processing me: would you just shut up already
Vampire: I can bite you…
Me: Sweet!
Vampire: … and give you eternal life!
Me: Stop threatening me!
Receptionist: Psychiatric Unit, can I help you?
Me: Yes, I’d like to make a reservation…
Y’all!! I’m dying I ordered delivery to my hotel and here they have a robot that takes it up to you. The robot got here and then REFUSED to give me my food and instead just said “going home now” and drove off. Haha the future is WILD y’all
[making out in a club]
her: wanna go to the bathroom?
me: no I’ve just been thanks
ME: [practising my samurai sword moves in the mirror]
[ever so slightly later]
ME: [dying from massive blood loss]
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe she studied abroad for one semester and came back with an accent.
I’m amazed they make so many cars without turn signals. Seems like that would be a requirement on a vehicle.
People who say they are “comfortable in their own skin,” scare me because I wonder how they know what it’s like to wear someone else’s skin
Everyday is talk like a pirate day if you’re committed and annoying enough
Mouse