If you live in denial of your emotions, it will take far longer to take care of them, because once we recognize what we’re feeling, we can tackle it or whatever is causing it.
📸: @blessingmanifesting
#positivemind #dailymotivation #keepmovingforward #personalgrowth
today at CrossFit we threw raccoons into the ocean
M: I just can’t find the words.
H: She’s kidding, give her a minute.
new career option?
Maybe OCD could pick up a mop once in a while
[Dinner with GF’s parents]
Thank you for having me over, can I use the bathroom?
“MAY I use the bathroom”
*slams fists down*
I ASKED FIRST
[baby finally falls asleep]
ME: *tip toes to couch* I can finally relax
DOG: I’M GONNA BARK FOR NO REASON
I don’t care what Bruce Lee said, entering a dragon is just poor advice.
me: i’ll have a steak
waiter: sir this is a vegan restaurant
me: oh
waiter:
me: ok i’ll have a vegan
#DidYouKnow?
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “son you know one card would have been enough” . 😂🤣
Liar is such a harsh term, I prefer Politician
Me: My computer broke
IT guy: What have you tried so far?
Me: Everything
IT guy:
Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing
date: what is this plate scribbled on with a marker
me: ah yes *kisses fingertips* my signature dish
Fire at the cannabis dispensary. Witnesses described it as super chill.
marvel comics have peaked
McDs: to recap, that is 6 McMuffins and 8 hash browns
Me: yep
McDs:. Great, give us a few minutes and we’ll bring it out to your family
Me: my what now?
*Someone compliments me*
Me: *laughs* shut up! I am not, you lying piece of shit.
You want my advice? Okay, I’ll give you advice. Never, ever, EVER startle a skunk.
(I was sprayed by a skunk last night.)
(And THEN my son was sprayed while helping ME after I was sprayed.)
(It was like a children’s book gone horribly wrong.)
The dry cleaners lost my freak flag.
I’d dust but it would defeat the medieval castle ambience I’m going for.
[White Castle]
YOU (a slob): 6 hamburgers, please.
ME (a health nut): 5 hamburgers, please.
If you think I can be won over by a large Toblerone, then you, my friend, are correct.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Amazing coincidence how the things I agree with are objectively true and the things I disagree with aren’t
My therapist said to choose a “calming” word to keep repeating to myself when I’m angry. I chose “Stabbing”.
We’ll see if it helps.
Psychiatrist: You saw a doctor before me?
Me: Yes.
Psychiatrist: What was their diagnosis?
Me: ᵐᵘˡᵗⁱᵖˡᵉ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿᵃˡⁱᵗʸ ᵈⁱˢᵒʳᵈᵉʳ
Psychiatrist: Excuse me?
Me: HE SAID MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
My mom is downstairs with my husband asking him if his co-workers are “fun” and “cute”. He’s miserable and I’m crying laughing. #BadWife
Thank God there is the super fit woman who constantly power walks past my window to remind me that I don’t want to do that.
Dr: I need a urine and stool sample.
Me: *hands him my underwear*
Dr:……
Me: Its all there.
Period tracker: 196 days late
Me: *wears white pants
Period: I’m ready for my comeback
