Sometimes I correctly spell a word I expected to spell incorrectly and then I type some gibberish to make sure spellcheck is still working.
If you love something, set it free.
(Does not apply to ferrets.)*
*I am no longer allowed on the subway.
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If money can’t buy happiness, explain ice cream. You can’t.
All I said is that I didn’t know whether we were a Marvel or DC family and my husband and kids locked me out of the house.
How many court cases have been thrown out because the judge needs a unanimous decision & the jury is made up entirely of dentists
waiter: need help with the menu?
me: yes, what’s this word here
waiter: the name of the restaurant, sir
me: and how is that prepared
Was trying to get shots of my new hair and you can see exactly the moment I spotted the enormous daddy long-legs on the wall
My daughter went back to college today and I texted her that I missed her so much and she texted back 2.5 hours later, “Yes.” Then, “Sorry, that wasn’t for you.”
I WAS IN LABOR FOR 14 HOURS
If you watch Sleeping Beauty backwards it’s about a prince who was so charming he kissed his girlfriend and she fainted for 17 years
Groom: Dude, the invitation was for Gandalf the Grey.
Gandalf: Oh, it’s Gandalf the White now.
Gandalf: [looks fabulous]