@3sunzzz: If you occasionally accuse your husband of shrinking your clothes in the dryer, he won't realize you're slowly getting fat.
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@ASmallFiction: "Where do you get your ideas?" he said. "Same place you do," she said. "No, seriously-" "And I go early so I can take all the best ones."
@tracietom: My husband and I were at a restaurant and the couple next to us kept feeding each other and let me tell you we would NEVER do that unless it was poison
@TheAlexNevil: First rule of camping: bring the kind of toilet paper that won’t attract animated bears.
@NicestHippo: Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies