@samalmightysam: If you receive an e-mail that says: ''FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS'' Don't open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
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@BlindChow: Cop: Freeze! Suspect: Try and catch me! *dives into Olive Garden's bottomless pasta bowl* Rookie: We gotta go after him! Cop: No. He's gone.
@WineMummy: When you're on a date that's not going well, just start talking about genital psoriasis. You're welcome.