Some of you won’t be ready for pumpkin spice in 2 months and it shows.
If you think walking on eggshells is bad, try chewing them.
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ME: Brad’s here
HUSBAND: Brad who needs space or Brad who’s paranoid about being murdered?
BRAD: OMG u 2 are smothering me
ME: I’ve no idea
will somebody tell my friend its spelled “gif” not “gf” and its not special that he has one, i have like 400 on my computer
Man Maroon 5 just keeps the hits coming .
Wife: The radio isn’t on. Those are two alley cats in heat.
Me: I don’t wanna know, know, know.
Friday The 13th is only a horror movie if you care about teenagers.
friend: wish you were here!
me, abruptly stopping whatever I’m doing and captaining a speedboat approaching your house: oh really
turn that frown upside down
An argument with my wife is like the gas pedal on a Prius. I can put my foot down, but I don’t really expect much to happen…
You wanna buy some land? That’s asking for a lot.
What will it take to reunite Nirvana?
Two more bullets.