If you throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care make sure you put your coffee cup down first.

I know that now.

You Might Also Like


If nothing else, the iOS7 update has proved it’s usefulness by automatically adding the little accent mark to the word jalapeño for me.


There’s a whale in France that can say hello out of its blowhole and I still can’t manage chrysanthemum on the first try.


[creating foxes]

GOD: make it orange & give it a fat tail
ANGEL: ok…
GOD: and make it sneaky
ANGEL: you sure?
GOD: yeah… real sneaky


Wife: please don’t

I look her in the eyes, kiss her delicately and shake my head

Me: somethings are worth fighting for

I slowly stand, catch my breath for a few seconds and start walking towards the buffet bar for the 10th time


My five-year plan? Well, I’d like to learn how to shuffle together a sandwich like you see in cartoons.


*drops cheese*

You: Five second rule!

Pet owners: lol


Remember, kids: Never get in cars with strangers unless you’ve used an app to select a specific stranger to drive you around in their car


Anyway, I heard some “Norwegian black metal” today. Let’s just say there’s a reason no one ever built cities on it…


Either the guy in the waiting room just sneezed or was shot four times by invisible bullets.