Why tf bills never go on sale ? Can i get a buy one get one month free or something? Damn
If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business.
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How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
My Christian friend asked 4 proof there is no God.nnI pointed out Adam Sandler is a multimillionaire movie starnnNow my friend’s an atheist
I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel
Kids are a great reminder that, when life knocks you down, you can’t stay down for long. No, because literally they’re going to ask you to make them a sandwich like right after.
If I had a twin that was like 5 mins younger than me I would always say ‘when I was your age’ and proceed to tell them what I did 5 mins ago
me: I think I’m breaking out
cell mate: no way that’s insane
me: I know my skin is usually like never this bad
Me: What does Winnie sleep in?
10: Dad… no
10: I’ll go straight to sleep if you’ll just stop.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Me: tushy tushy!
Fencing partner: IT’S PRONOUNCED TOU- *I stab him*