@markydoodoo

If you watch Titanic backwards, you are an idiot. That is not the way movies are meant to be watched.

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@ApocalypseHow

Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend’s experimental theater piece.

@RhiannonOcean

Ok people, I think the big take away from 2016 is that it’s really bad luck to start the year by shooting a gorilla

@Eyevenger

Biden: “Jiraiya is in a better pla…”

Obama: “I don’t wanna talk about it”

@blade_funner

DOG DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: Please assume the correct position for operating a vehicle.
DOG STUDENT: *sticks head out window*
DDI: Excellent.

@daemonic3

Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming

“But dad we’re goldfish”

Oh yeah, I forgot

“Forgot what?”

@NickBossRoss

Prof asked if anyone liked comic books. I raised my hand. She didnt add anything or say why it mattered. Just wanted to isolate me socially.

@Seinfeld2000

Do me a faver?

Look at any object near you

k

now imagen its a diferent thing

how was youre experience?

i imagened pencil is baseball

@lordratsquirt

Monopoly taught me that to become a truly successful property owner, I’m going to have to go to jail on a regular basis.

@PleaseBeGneiss

If you’re walking around with a toothpick in your mouth you may think you look cool but we’re all just worrying about you tripping