If you watch Titanic backwards, you are an idiot. That is not the way movies are meant to be watched.

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Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend’s experimental theater piece.


Ok people, I think the big take away from 2016 is that it’s really bad luck to start the year by shooting a gorilla


Biden: “Jiraiya is in a better pla…”

Obama: “I don’t wanna talk about it”


DOG DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: Please assume the correct position for operating a vehicle.
DOG STUDENT: *sticks head out window*
DDI: Excellent.


Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming

“But dad we’re goldfish”

Oh yeah, I forgot

“Forgot what?”


Prof asked if anyone liked comic books. I raised my hand. She didnt add anything or say why it mattered. Just wanted to isolate me socially.


Do me a faver?

Look at any object near you


now imagen its a diferent thing

how was youre experience?

i imagened pencil is baseball


Monopoly taught me that to become a truly successful property owner, I’m going to have to go to jail on a regular basis.


If you’re walking around with a toothpick in your mouth you may think you look cool but we’re all just worrying about you tripping