if you wear a bikini top instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will think you just went swimming which is athletic not lazy
You Might Also Like
Dentist: Any plans for the weekend?
Dentist: I’m not doing anything either.
I always said I’d never chase after a man, but the older I get, I seriously consider power-walking after one.
[at condiment counter]
*does shot of ketchup*
Me (gets in kid’s face): Wait your turn, punk
Wife: Oh no…he’s getting sauced up again
Me: I’m tired
My brain: turn on the tv
Me: but I need sleep
My brain: go pay some bills
Me: I’m so exhausted
My brain: oRgAnIzE yOuR sPiCes
5 shots + 18 beers = 6 apologies
Sorry I thought you wanted me to divorce my husband and run away with you when you picked some fuzz off my shirt sleeve.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
I hate spitting so much. In “Titanic” when Jack and Rose spit at the sea, I was done. They got what they deserved. The sea did what it had to do.
*pronounces fake like saké*