my little pony implies the existence of a larger, more terrifying my pony
If your bio says “Producer, entrepreneur, DJ, & businessman” I’m assuming you misspelled “Lives with Mom, works at McDonalds.”
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Had a 6″ sammich from subway today, and it totally didn’t fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I’m so, so sorry.
“Must you lick the knife?”
“Sorry,force of habit” I said “Loads of people do it though, don’t they?”
“Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor”
You’re either part of the problem or the entire problem.
*walks into gym, tags my location on Facebook, leaves*
Robin: Your ad says you’re looking for a side chick?
Robin: Close enough
Lice is the herpes of kindergarten.
What about ‘sextuple stuffed’
“That’s just inappropriate Jeff you’re fired”
[later googling Sextuple]
“Omg that’s genius”
A treadmill is just an expensive version of the ground
Neutrons are the Switzerland of subatomic particles.