If it’s so good why can’t I find a single car wash that carries the Brazilian wax thingy you guys keep tweeting about?
If you’re buying your pregnancy test at the dollar store it’s probably because he bought is his condoms there too.
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My fear of spiders happened when I went to hit one with a newspaper, and it looked at me and did pushups saying “try again bro.”
Wife : The neighbours are banging on our front door again.
Me : Why can’t they do it in a bed, like normal people?
Few people know that inventor of the car alarm Enrico Irritanti never owned an automobile. He did, however, passionately hate his neighbors.
Cop: Maybe it’s your driving. Maybe you’re drunk.
Me: Maybe it’s Maybelline.
When a Weeping Willow dies does it become Mourning Wood?
The best way to be passive aggressive to a trophy store is to order a “Worst Trophy Shop” trophy and then never pick it up.
I was on a date with a girl and she said “did you notice my finger nails?” And I was like “yes” and she was like “well I have no arms”
When this was first painted, the wolves were much further in the background. I would sell it before they reach the frame
Wake up, kids! Bees can’t even read, much less spell. IT’S A SCAM!