Never let the fear of failure keep you from failing.
I’ll take a Friday the 13th over a Monday the 13th every single time.
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“And now we wait.” —me when I dislike someone before my friends do.
My husband still talks about that one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it’s going to get our kids into Harvard.
Let’s ask the Ouija board a question. Is my wife’s meatloaf good? *pointer moves to NO* You see, Debra? No I did not move it myself
THEM: Don’t you want to have a baby?
ME: No thanks, I’m full
“This is mine”, he growled passionately into her ear. “Are we clear?”
Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn’t try to eat his nachos again.
I was once accused of stealing money from work. I didn’t do it but it was nice to know management also thought I wasn’t getting paid enough.
why do boys change into their football tops to just sit in front of the telly to watch the game ahahah a don’t stick a pair a fangs on when am watching the vampire diaries
A good way to make a car dealer uncomfortable is to say, “Tell me if you can hear this,” and then get in the trunk and start screaming.