They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.
You Might Also Like
“Got a dog.”
Me:WHAT BREED? WHAT COLOR? WHAT’S HIS NAME? HOW BIG ARE HIS PAWS? IS HE A GOOD BOY? DOES HE SNUGGLE?
“Had a baby.”
Friend: Wow, you’ve been happily married for 25 years?! What is your secret?
Me: He travels, A LOT.
Whale: Hey did you hear I have a new girlfriend? She’s aaall over me it’s crazy.
Eel: For the last time barnacles don’t count as girlfriends
me: I would sell my soles for some chocolate right now
devil: done! wait, what the h-
me: no takebacksies
devil: *holding a pair of sensible flats* damnit
I stick pins and needles in the people I don’t like because can’t afford voodoo dolls.
*therapist writes in pad*
Me: Sometimes I feel like people don’t notice me-
Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend.
Step 2) Text “Medusa’s excited to meet you.”
Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.
What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?
Just kidding, I don’t know what he got. He hasn’t opened it yet.
I told my son, age 11, to clean his room. He’s 22 now. Will it ever happen?