@1okhooker: I'm blocking anyone I think is funnier than me. If you see this you are safe.
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@meladoodle: The new options on Facebook look like the life cycle of every relationship I've ever had
@FrenulumBreve: [hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom] "Now give me my wife." "This is short by £2.39" [hides Mcflurry] "it's all I got."
@LanieLalaBugs: I just want a man who'll drag me to the bedroom, throw me on the bed & do dirty dishes while I take a nap. Is that too much to ask for?