@1okhooker

I’m blocking anyone I think is funnier than me. If you see this you are safe.

You Might Also Like

@donjuantip

If we start calling it ‘potato juice’, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT??

@nami_knows

Yesterday my 3 year old had a meltdown & threw her water bottle at our cat. After she calmed down I said, “I don’t think it was very kind to throw your bottle at the cat. Maybe you should apologize.” So she said sorry to the water bottle

@lizzhuerta

Woman in grocery line: oh are you buying rice and beans for Coronavirus?

Me: No, I’m buying rice and beans because I’m Mexican.

@kyry5

Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you’re handling this really insensitively

@Marlebean

I’ll photoshop my youngest into old pics just to make him stop crying about not being a part of the family before he was born.

@Smug_Lemur

[God creating the octopus]

Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag.

@Sarcasticsapien

Congratulations, “journalists” who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn’t know you could get a degree in teenage girl.