I’m bored. I’m going to text my ex boyfriends and say “I have to talk to you, it’s important” and then not answer the phone for 6 days.
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I’ve been waiting for this moment and it has finally happened.
I got a paper review back saying I need to familiarise myself more with the works of Heejung Chung and that my work should engage more with her work.
passed a guy walking down the street video chatting someone but here’s a fun twist: he was doing it on a laptop
[blind date gets in car]
Okay, I wanna have dinner early so we can go to Petco & watch ’em feed the snakes. Unless you wanna do Petco first.
I thought I liked the style of the clothes on Temu, but then when I got them I realized I just liked the perfectly tan skin and soft beach waves of the models, and those were missing from my order
*Dog puts cupcake on my nose and tells me to “stay”
old ladies always walking past you like “you are glued to your phone, can’t even look up to see the beauty around you” Pam this is a Dollar Store not Notre Dame
The dark circles under my eyes are so dark that if I stop shaving my legs, my transition into a raccoon will be complete
Lost your keys?
Why not try looking in the same two places 16 times whilst getting increasingly angrier
Nice try Jehovah’s witnesses, but dressing up like the police and saying you have a warrant isn’t going to get me to come to the door.
I can’t believe the tasteless and offensive things some people tweet.
Seriously, I just saw a recipe for homemade mac n cheese.. they only used one kind of cheese😳 and they didn’t put the bread crumble on top!!
At this point in my life I don’t need someone with potential. You need to show up already potenched
Another Fast and Furious movie coming in 2023 if they don’t name it Fast 10 Your Seatbelts I’m going to be very disappointed.
What am I supposed to do with all this laundry? And before you answer, I already tried staring out the window and crying for 9 hours.
im so bored im gonna join a poly relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out
forget nudes: in 2019 we’re sending pics in our fanciest attire. gauzy floral skirts. ball gowns. the kind of fur coat worn by a wealthy lady who has been thrice-widowed and hasn’t seen her fourth husband in some time.
I’d love this…lol
What idiot called it a national anthem instead of country music?
*bother*
*bother*
*bother*
“WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO ME FOR NO REASON”
A psychologist on a podcast I listen to just said “if you want to be less anxious you need to worry less” so thank god he spent $80k on his PhD because this is absolute gold
It’s called “personal grooming” as though we might get confused and groom a total stranger.
I still remember when my 10th grade English teacher told us we were going to have a special guest FOR WEEKS and then the special guest turned out to be him in a hat.
Me: “I don’t make everything sexual”
*plugs phone into charger*
“You like that huh?”
Don’t fall for the ‘Deep-fry your money in batter’ investment scam – that’s how I frittered away all my savings.
The best part of being a girl is not having to open doors. If I approach a door and a guy isn’t there I just take a nap til one shows up.
my favorite part about gambling is if you lose money you can just bet again and double the stakes and win your money back! it’s called strategy
saving this screenshot for the next translation/ localisation debate, excellent work everyone
[orders 2,000 Big Macs thinking I’ll only have to tell my mom ‘I love her’ for them]
Cashier: that’ll be $5,364.32
Me: shit
chore hatred level:
considering becoming a raw food vegan and drinking straight from the garden hose to avoid doing dishes
If you’re looking for an experimental couple, we’re trying a new chicken recipe tonight, hit us up.