I’m completely over my ex, is the name of my poem to her

You Might Also Like


Baby Geese are called Goslings and baby Vampires are called Gothlings.


In my 20’s – chases a martini with a tequila shot and some weed

In my 40’s – chases a multivitamin with a glass of milk so it doesn’t upset my stomach


Somewhere, a real Nigerian prince is sitting at his computer wondering, “Why oh why does nobody reply to my emails?”


[spider walking into first spin class] What’s the deal with the bikes?


People who use the wrong words sometimes should have the humidity to admit it.


Is that a sweet potato in your pants, or are you just oddly shaped?


Boss to staff: “What incentives would make you work harder?”

Staff member: “Bonus!”

Boss: “I’m not boning any of you.”


I feel like Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the most annoying person in the world to watch Space Jam with