@ByYourLogic: i'm every guy who says he's taking a twitter break for mental health reasons and then returns 6 hours later
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@Bob_Janke: They call me The Cat because of my hunting skills, my lightning fast reflexes, and because I run into the basement when I see the vacuum cleaner.
@Reverend_Scott: "Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist." It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse.
@roxiqt: When I was in 2nd grade, a girl in my class had a large pack of crayons. I wanted it. She asked if I would trade her my soul for the crayons. I said yes. But my mom made me trade her back so I could keep my soul & said if I traded my soul away again, I was grounded.
@drhappyknuckles: DOCTOR: Ted, you're dying. PATIENT: My name isn't Ted. DOCTOR (checking clipboard): Linda, you're pregnant.