@sofarrsogud

I’M GONNA OWN THIS YEAR!!!

*buys goldfish
*calls it ‘This Year’.

You Might Also Like

@ellorysmith

I accidentally bleached my hair too blonde and when my therapist saw it this morning she let out an audible “oh no”

@JiminyKicksIt

It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

@dad_on_my_feet

I’m not saying my family watches too much tv, but our 5yo just stood up from our family campfire and asked me to pause it.

@i_Lean

My boyfriend calls me “babe” because “pig in the city” is such a mouthful to say.

@rev_revolver

once a woman in the mall said “isn’t everything cuter with babies?!” and jeff replied “not coffins” and just stared at her until she cried

@RelatableQuote

How to break up with someone:

You: Your ex is attractive.
Partner: Which one?
You: ME.
You: BYEEEE

@Home_Halfway

Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends

@ayyyyloser

“And then she kissed the frog and saw him turn into a prince, because kissing frogs makes you hallucinate.”

-me as a babysitter

@NapVeg

the song firestarter, but it’s about my cooking skills