What do whales do on a date?
Net flicks and krill.
#WhaleDay #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
I’m impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?
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Wolf: [big inhale]
[gun cock from inside]
Wolf: [soft exhale]
“And now we wait.” —me when I dislike someone before my friends do.
Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.
People who tell you to get your kids to help don’t understand how kids work
I’d like to thank the people who buy the gift bags. Because of you, I have never had to buy a gift bag. Thank you, from the bottom of my large gift bag filled with smaller gift bags.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
Tell the guy at the first drive-thru window that you want the guy at the second window to throw your food into the car without you stopping.
<at a baptism>
Me:What’s the WiFi password?
Him:Jesus Christ, dude!
Me:That makes sense….is it case sensitive?
Jesus: [walking past a pond]
[A herd of hungry ducks begins waddling behind him]
Jesus: [starts walking faster]