teacher: and that’s how you do your taxes
student: thank you. what a useful skill i have learned here today
I’m just a boy, standing in front of the toilet paper aisle, trying to decide whether I want to wipe with a pillow, a cloud, or a kitten.
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Be the reason they have to add a section about roller skates to the employee handbook.
when I see an attractive girl in a long over coat I like to imagine she has a lot of watches for sale under there
[googling recipes for success and checking the cupboard]
well I hope it calls for a 3 yr old bag of marshmallows
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn’t Nintendo.
“The Mothership has returned. Gather your things and inform the others.”
[a 2nd grade classroom 5 yrs from now]
TEACHER: Khaleesi M, please leave Khaleesi S alone. Khaleesi T, I still need your permission slip
I don’t have a pet so I decided to adopt the spider living in the corner of my kitchen. Her name is Monique. I hope she isn’t knocked up.