@Lisa_Laughs_

I’m just a girl, with a baseball bat, smashing my internet modem into a gazillion pieces.

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@wolfpupy

cat: mew
me: actually its about games in journalism
*cat continues to ask for food*

@PieChord

“A wine please”

“Sir, this is McDonalds…”

“Okay, a McWine please”

@iQuoteComedy

What’s that thing called when your crush likes you back? Oh yeah. Imagination.

@shessoken

🤣😭 I done ate 22 times and took 13 naps and it’s still today

@Jandalize

I accidental typed sinroof instead of sunroof and I may have just invented the greatest thing ever.

@dannyboy7813

The moon is moving away from the earth at about 5 inches a year so it’s like the longest break up ever

@notalogin

*Giant boulder slowly crushes several hundred cats*
Guy who’s about to invent the bagpipes: Hey, this gives me an idea!

@BurroFuma

I keep waiting for my Cadbury Creme Eggs to hatch into Cadbury Creme Chickens, but no luck so far. And sitting on them certainly didn’t help

@LostCatDog

It’s a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.

@OfficeofSteve

I have Tourettes syndrome, but instead of swearing, I yell out movies that Nicolas Cage has been in