-have u acted before?
*shows VHS of me at a food court eating free samples like I might purchase the meal
-oh this guys good
I’m just saying, if the ice cream truck can play music, the garbage truck could too.
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me: can i buy u a drink
girl: ladies drink free tonight, idiot
me: can u buy me a drink
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
*He-Man at table read*
“By the power of Greyskull, I have the- hang on-
*pointing to script*
should it say ‘power’ again here?”
If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed.
One time a girl told me to take off her shirt and I was like wow ok it doesn’t really fit me anyway.
I stole one of those Krispy Kreme “HOT NOW” signs and hung it over our bed because good communication is important in a marriage.
I am drinker.
Hear me pour.
today. for the first time in a long time. i checked on the skittle under the fridge. i’m happy to report it’s still there. minding its business. doing the best it can. we should all strive for such an existence