@calamitydaisy

I’m losing followers two by two. Maybe they are all boarding an ark somewhere.

You Might Also Like

@stuartrutten

For lunch today, I think I will have a blistering hot bowl of ice cold soup. Thanks microwave.

@KentWGraham

COWORKER: Walking is better for your knees than running.

ME: Hammocking is better than both.

@thelateinnings

[on the sidelines at a college football game]

me: d-e-f-e-n-s-e, what’s that spell

crowd: *not paying attention*

me: d-e-f-e-n-s-e! what’s that spell!

crowd: *still not paying attention*

me: c’mon what’s that spell, i have a test on monday

@Birdhumms

Due to the Corona Virus safety guidelines, hairdressers are now required to keep smalltalk to a minimum.

Introverts: Praise Jesus!

@TheOfficialTed

Guys wait for the perfect girl, Playboy’s fault. Girls wait for the perfect guy, Disney’s fault.

@Sorrowscopes

Sagittarius: A bad situation gets worse this week when your family refuses to pay the ransom.