
Netflix should have the option to not just resume from when you shut it off, but to resume from when you fell asleep.
Netflix should have the option to not just resume from when you shut it off, but to resume from when you fell asleep.
This is embarrassing.
I tunneled through my wall to escape work and ended up in my boss’s office.
He’s watching me tweet this.
I’m fired.
I’m one smooth operator until I have to get onto an escalator. Then it’s more like a baby giraffe finding its legs.
Son: the tooth fairy didnβt leave me any money
Me, forgetting he put a tooth under his pillow because I was up playing Fortnite until 4am: yeah Iβm afraid she died
btw I learned this tonight: DO NOT image search “scrotum” because people only post pictures using a medical name if there’s something wrong
Size doesnβt matter? Have you SEEN my coffee mugs?
“Welcome to Armageddon
Welcome to Legageddon
Welcome to Quadageddon”Me: *raises hand* Are you the only trainer available at the gym today?
Just downloaded the Lana Del Rey emoticon pack:
Sad π
Happy π
Scared π
Excited π
Surprised π
Giving birth ;|
if you were really my friend, you’d know my favorite kitchen utensil. it’s the ladle. ok we’re friends now.