I’m Not A People Person, Or A Morning Person, Or An Evening Person, Or A Going-Out Person, Or A Staying-In.. I’m Not Even Sure I’m A Person.

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I own a lot of Nike shirts for a guy who just bought a movie on iTunes so he wouldn’t have to get up and get the DVD from the other room.


Can someone who is good with computers help me out? I keep running out of storage space for some reason


yea we make fun of the fact the business people in the jurassic park universe keep giving the green light to a theme park that kills like 75 people every couple of years just cause its profitable but damn if thats not the most realistic part lol


Me: You’ve dimmed the lights already, aren’t we forward?

* smiles suggestively *

Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.


Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.


Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl


Me: i have a headache

WebMD: and it’ll be your last


me: good morning, Linda

Linda, my co-worker who backpacked through Europe: Not as nice as the sunrises you can see looking out from Venice


ME: *holding door wide open for her*

HER: Are you saying I’m fat?