My nephew said the cherries in my refrigerator had gone bad. They’re moonshine cherries, so yeah, they aren’t exactly choir boys.
I’m not making a snap judgment of you. I’ve been following you around the grocery store for 15 minutes.
You Might Also Like
I called in dinner at a restaurant and Husband went to pick it up. These texts ensued:
H, “What name did you put it under?”
H, “Not a fake name?”
M, “Why would I do that?”
H, “Because your weird like that.”
H, “It’s under you’re?”
I always wanted to run a pharmacy and put “Seriously, TMI” on all the receipts.
I date men whom have their life paths laid out firmly and don’t waver.
Yes, their paths are Psycho and Socio, but consistency is admirable.
Maybe we’d still be in the Garden of Eden if Eve had given Adam an Android instead of an Apple.
You don’t know.
What’s that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret
007: the name’s bond…james bond
me: nice to meet you bond james bond
007: just james bond
me: bond just james bond
007: no my full name is just james bond
me: nice to meet you just james bond
007: you know i can legally kill you
me: no, never met him
007: *draws weapon*
I just responded to a text message with: I can’t hear you, you’re breaking up
Twitter is proof that 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters will not eventually write anything close to Shakespeare.