I gave my cat a middle name today, so she knows when she is really in trouble.
I’m not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don’t give them lunch or breakfast
You Might Also Like
If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
No Grandma, an iPad is not a new brand of Maxi Pads
I shouldn’t have said that.
– Me. Whenever I talk.
My supervisor said I’m worth my weight in gold so I’m eating these donuts to increase my value.
My 8 year old daughter just ate dinner and didn’t even notice the onions that were in there.
If you were wondering about my hiding skills.
>when you hit the end game in a JRPG but your party is underleveled
[Updates Christian Mingle bio]
“Just like Moses, I pay attention to the bush first”
“You have 999 new matches”
Went in for my checkup yesterday. Hernia & prostate exams are really uncomfortable, but he’s a great dentist so I let it go.
*lawyer pops out of cake with divorce papers & pen in hand