@skin_and_i: I'm not stalking you but I have managed to trace your family tree back to 1724
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@AngryRaccoon2: "Hey, we see that everything you've ever watched has been in English, may we suggest something in German?" -Netflix.
@KevinFarzad: Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.
@pants_leg: i hate when my friend starts dating an idiot and i have to be like how could you bring this man into our lives
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?