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@skin_and_i: I'm not stalking you but I have managed to trace your family tree back to 1724
@ChaosMuffet: my 8 year old daughter emails me a lot while I'm at work
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler.
Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire.
Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes.
@laurrlor: I can't believe I'm in class on Presidents' Day. This is an obamanation.
@_sweet_ham: My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
@ArfMeasures: [After 1 beer]
just gonna chill in this bar tonight
[After 5 beers]
put me down for Summer Lovin' on karaoke, I will sing both parts