Don’t let people push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon, because that shit is fun!
I’m not sure about accusing someone of wanting to get into my pants. I’d like to see him try. I can hardly get into them myself..
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HOW TO DISPOSE OF BATTERIES
– set them aside until you can look up how to dispose of batteries
– find them 3 months later
– look both ways
– slip them into the trash
BREAKING NEWS: Bread is extremely toxic to humans.
“Just throw it all in a lake somewhere,” says one long-billed scientist
Found an m&m on the floor. It’s been there all night, but I figure that’s well past the statute of limitations on the 5 second rule.
Anyway, once I brushed off the cat hair it tasted fine.
Doctor: Between 1 and 10, describe how much pain are you in?
Me: Is married a number?
That’s how I get the good meds…
Long distance relationships sucks 😳😳
Fridge you’re coming to my room.?
What idiot decided to call them koalas instead of awww-stralians?
Meet George Jetson
His Boy Elroy
Jane his wife
Just kidding, obviously. I’ll send the real lyrics tomorrow. Do not use these.
My 6yo has been rolling around on the floor for 30 mins whining for me to get her some juice cause SHE doesn’t want to
Go ahead. Have kids
Did you know: Wi-Fi is short for “wireless fireless.” Pre-wi-fi all internet was fire based. Firewall, firewire, “fire up the computer” etc.