I’m not to thrilled with our solar system.

I rate it one star..

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Every Thanksgiving I say my boyfriend broke up with me so my family lets me overeat without shame.


my new app automatically cuts wifi access to your teen’s phone if they are in the bathroom over 10min


I bet no one’s had as many concussions as the guy who invented nunchucks.


*first date*

Him: So, I’m a youth minister.

Me: Oh, cool. *googling cast of the bible* I really like…Lucifer.


Heaven are the mornings I wake with your head on my chest. The new day’s dawn peeking through the window as you look up at me and say those three little words…

“Brush your teeth!”


A cubical is a great place to reflect on all the bad decisions you’ve made in your life



When you have dry lips, rub them on your palms.

I call it Lip palm.

It’s free.