[documentary on bees]
“the reason why we’re filming the bees twenty miles away using the world’s longest super zoom camera is because of the bees”
I’m not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example.
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Homeschooling day 3
Lessons finished hours ago and the kids are still here, do I just put them outside and hope someone collects them or…
LAWYER: Can you tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: I’m sure I CAN, yes
LAWYER: Ugh. Please tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: Much better. I was killing the victim
I refuse to use the self-checkout isle at a store. What I will do is occasionally post up at the exit and ask to check shoppers receipts. If I’m gonna work at your store for free, I’m picking my own position.
son: what do you mean old mcdonald HAD a farm
son: what happened to the animals
son: did they die
me: old mcdonald did
Our foul, evil octopus has just learnt to suck loads of water directly from the end of the tank pump, so it can spray me with even more water than usual if I (the person she hates the most) step within a foot of her tank. I’m absolutely soaked
Reporter: He was strangled by a loved one
My Murderer: Whoa, love is a strong word
When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that’s what’s up. But they’re all at work.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
My family tried an “Unplugged Evening”, and that’s how we accidentally killed Nana