They don’t even serve apples at Applebee’s.
I’m not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example.
You Might Also Like
You’re 15 and miss the 90’s? Yeah, I’m sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt.
H: where did you move after your divorce?
I moved on.
I don’t understand why this loan manager won’t get behind my dream of becoming a sugar daddy.
You play the victim so well you probably have chalk in your pocket to outline your body
[ First Date ]
Her: So you’re a MMA fighter?
* flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom’s *
Me: Yea, I’m still training
Around a third (42%) of parenting is pretending you understand your child’s homework
I just finished off my daughter’s leftover juice and swallowed a surprise tater tot. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just want you to be aware that this kind of thing can happen.
Him: Tell me about yourself.
Doc: I have bad news about your test results
Me: oh man did I fail
Doc: not that kind of test
Me: so I passed?
Doc: no but you will in a week