I wish I was 7’9″ so my BMI would be normal
I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.
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Guys with balls hangin from ur truck. that would mean ur truck is a man,yes? Which means you like to be inside a dude all day. Lol homo. : p
Date: I enjoy living here, but I do miss West Virginia
Me: *excited* MOUNTAIN MAMMAAAA
Date: Would you please stop doing that every time I say West Virg-
Me: MOUNTAIN MAMMAAAA
Date: Ugh, please just take me home
Me: *ecstatic* COUNTRY ROOOADS
When I have to go back to work again, I’ll have to leave messages ranting about my job on my answering machine at least 6 times a day because the cats have grown accustomed to it
Make group hugs awkward by taking off your pants.
when i hear fat people say that they’ve made mistakes, i always think to myself, “yeaa…at the grocery store.”
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise
No thanks, I’m not hungry right now. I’ll just wait until after you put it away and sit down. Then I’ll have some.
Nobody expects you to throw a typewriter at them, that’s what makes it such a fun surprise
Cashier: And how are you today?
Me: Incandescent with rage. You?