@Blueorsomething: "I'm single by choice" I whisper to the pizza delivery guy as he hands me my change.
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Batman & Joker at a table in Arkham Asylum] Joker: Wanna know I got these Scars? *He gestures at his Lion King action figures* Batman: Ugh
@TheToddWilliams: [butterfly residence] WIFE: You said you'd change, Carl HUSBAND: But I have WIFE: Not really HUSBAND: Uh…I used to be a fricken caterpillar
@murrman5: "when people say different color bell peppers taste different" [doctor nodding] I meant anything bothering you physically
@theroyaltramp: I just downloaded another distraction on my distraction device so I can be distracted when my other distractions aren't distracting enough.