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@RickAaron

I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk.

@ShrugLord

It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I’ll consider this my workout for the day

@behindyourback

Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich

@Macar00ny

*shoots self in foot*

“Damn i like the metaphor better”

@ClichedOut

HER: hey, do u come here often?

ME: all the time

HER: do u know if the bartender is single?

@bridger_w

If someone says they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and be like, to be clear, do you know how reading works

@Uxmmi

Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.