I’m about to risk it all
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[THE INVENTOR OF GUM]
What if you could just pretend to eat?
I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk.
It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I’ll consider this my workout for the day
Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich
*shoots self in foot*
“Damn i like the metaphor better”
HER: hey, do u come here often?
ME: all the time
HER: do u know if the bartender is single?
him: I think we should see other people
me: is that on hulu or netflix
If someone says they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and be like, to be clear, do you know how reading works
Childhood injuries: Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries: Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard.