Pet Review: Horses
Cost: Thousands of dollars
Pros: Bragging about owning a horse
Cons: Can literally kick your face off, big teeth
I’m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don’t really get the metric system. How much exactly is “in moderation”?
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I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette.
*Sees thing on floor
*Vacuums over said thing
*Vacuum cant pick it up
*Picks up thing
*Looks at it
*Puts it back on the floor to vacuum
Obi-wan: It’s over Anakin! I have the high ground!
Anakin:*Force pushes him out of the way*
Obi-wan: Damn that completely obvious solution
Why do other moms at the playground get all snotty if you ask their husband to push you when you’re on a swing?
The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.
We’ll take these $75 baby shoes. No need for a shoe box. We’ll just let him wear & outgrow them on the car ride home.
You can be rough with me – the healthcare is free. #MakeCanadaSexier
Apple should make a sarcasm font and call it the iRoll.
WIFE: gross, did you see the roadkill back there?
ME [scared]: did i see the road kill what?