You can’t spell “Schwarzenegger” without “google.”
“I’m sorry I named my daughter ‘Paige.’ It seemed funny at the time.”
– a confession of Nat Turner
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“It’s not about who’s right or wrong.”
~ The person that is wrong
*jumps on a haystack
*lands on a needle
Amazon is a $250 billion dollar company that reacts to you buying a vacuum by going THIS GUY LOVES BUYING VACUUMS HERE ARE SOME MORE VACUUMS
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I’m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
I need better friends
Man, people are taking spring cleaning extra seriously this year.
Maybe I’m driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON’T KNOW.
So you’re into the “bad boy” type? The kind who has a dark side, a tough childhood, breaks the law, everyone knows his name but dare not speak it, could use a nose job and a manicure?
Yeah, that’s Voldemort. You’re into Voldemort.
Me: your parrot called me a cracker.
Manager: maybe he was asking..
[from the back] TALK YOUR SHIT WHITE BOY *parrot whistle*