@KattsDogma

“I’m sorry I named my daughter ‘Paige.’ It seemed funny at the time.”
– a confession of Nat Turner

You Might Also Like

@ToneLoaf

You can’t spell “Schwarzenegger” without “google.”

@iAmDelFreaky

“It’s not about who’s right or wrong.”

~ The person that is wrong

@kibblesmith

Amazon is a $250 billion dollar company that reacts to you buying a vacuum by going THIS GUY LOVES BUYING VACUUMS HERE ARE SOME MORE VACUUMS

@juneohara65

Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I’m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.

@Darlainky

Man, people are taking spring cleaning extra seriously this year.

@darksidedeb

Maybe I’m driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON’T KNOW.

@anniealone23

So you’re into the “bad boy” type? The kind who has a dark side, a tough childhood, breaks the law, everyone knows his name but dare not speak it, could use a nose job and a manicure?
Yeah, that’s Voldemort. You’re into Voldemort.

@DurtMcHurtt

[pet store]

Me: your parrot called me a cracker.

Manager: maybe he was asking..

[from the back] TALK YOUR SHIT WHITE BOY *parrot whistle*