@JimmerThatisAll: I’m sorry I used your Diva Cups to quarantine my sea monkeys.
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@MommaUnfiltered: Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him. And now someone's texting him.
@: Last night I couldn't sleep at all, just lying wide awake "Oh, insomnia?" No, in bed you idiot. Where the hell is Somnia?
@Donnie_Fairburn: "Son, hey son" Yeah dad? "Know why we named you Adopted?" *Sighs* Because I'm adop- "BECAUSE YOU'RE ADOPTED" Good one dad "I'm not your dad"
@junejuly12: Maybe leave yourself in a hot car with a window open one inch for 15 minutes while your dog runs into the store