@theleanover: I'm still not convinced Mitt Romney was born.
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@LethargicLife: Coworker: You smell good. What is that? Armani? Me: Thanks! It's Febreze. I just took a dump.
@SadieSmithRoks: It happens when you least expect it. Your head starts to spin. You lose control and you start falling head over heels. -winter ice/love
@PJTLynch: By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn't yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
@EndhooS: Kangaroo: SOMEONE TOOK MY BABY 911: try to remain calm Kangaroo: PLEASE FIND MY...wait.. 911: was it in your- Kangaroo: it was in my pocket