im the guy responsible for throwing the chicken in the air for fried chicken commercials. i will never reveal my secret method’s
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Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work.
-“I hear the Israeli PM isn’t too worried about that latest hack because..”
-“…Benjamin’s Not on Yahoo”
-“I’m leaving you”
Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas?
Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.
*Takes one earbud out*
*Hears kids fighting*
*Puts earbud back in*
I like to say “Have a great day” before the cashier has a chance to. Power move.
When hubs is sleeping I put my Care Bear blanket on him and take the most adorable blackmail photos ever.
What would Jesus do? Today, take Mary out to Olive Garden.
[God creating bees]
GOD: make some of them fuzzy
ANGEL: thats good
G: make them sting
G: and let’s give them teeth!
A: too far