Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@MelvinofYork

The chips I’m eating are labeled “Harvest Cheddar,” a name which is forcing me to reconsider what I thought I knew about cheese production

@Parentpains

Every so often my mother has a great idea, usually it involves leaving my house.

@Dawn_M_

Searching for your soulmate could take years. Making a slice of toast takes minutes.

@Avepates

Sometimes I like to hysterically tell mall security that my infant son has gone missing just so I can show people baby pictures of myself.

@Contwixt

Check out this list number 5 is awesome.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.awesome

@JB4Realz

Copy Editor is a rewording career.

@crunchenhanced

Eating fried cheese is the closest i’ve gotten to doing heroin.

@TheAndrewNadeau

[First Date]
Her: I love Christmas.

Me (trying to impress her): *Pretending I got a phone call* Sorry, it’s my boss, I need to take this. Yes? Oh, hello SANTA.

@SaraESpivey

My Twitter crush is 4,762-timing me!

@girlontapas

Whoever said “find joy in the small things” clearly didn’t know my ex.