“I’m usually closed off. But if you get close to me, you’ll find that I’ll really open up.”

-Automatic sliding doors

You Might Also Like


Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless.


Date: I can’t believe you never saw titantic

Me: To be fair, it did sink before I was born


The rest of these people must be totally shitfaced.

-me, driving in England


cashier: alright, you have a good day now!
me (offended, grabbing my 2 40s & box of donuts): I’ll do nothing of the sort


Sometimes you can spend so much time staring at your phone you forget about the beauty all around you, so be sure to Google that.


Is there something I can hang around my neck to show that I’m a big fan of crucifixions?


Biden: Told Trump about Carter’s ghost in the West Wing

Obama: Carter is still alive

Biden: He doesn’t know that


I went to the local art museum, I really enjoyed it and took lots of pictures.

But unfortunately I’m now banned until I bring them back.