I’m young, but not “know exactly why I came into this room” young.

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[plummeting from a huge cliff to my death] I’m hungry


If you pronounce the word vase like “voz” I’m gonna want to punch you in the foz


“Mom, you need to calm down with how much cheese you’ve been buying.”

*silently writes him out of my will*


After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding. Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia.


[spelling bee]

Judge: Your word is McConaughey

M-C-C-O-N-A-U-G-H-E-Y, McConaughey.
Did I get it?

Judge: We have no idea


Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I’m way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!


They didn’t leave much room for new models when they called it the ‘ULTRA-Sound’. “Mr Sutherland, I’ll book you in for a Sonic-Boom”