“Cute cat, what’s it’s name?”
Too-ra-loo-ra, but you have to sing, or she won’t come
“Um ok,🎶 Too-ra-l”
SHE WON’T COME! IT’S A CAT! HAHA
imagine a dolphin. now imagine a small dog. folks there is plenty more where that came from
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*shortly after the sinking of the Titanic*
Sebastian: Ariel, what is dis!?! You cannot have a dead human in your secret grotto!
Ariel: But I like him.
Sebastian: What would your father say!?!
I don’t suffer insomnia like most tweeters do.
I always get a solid 7, maybe 8 minutes of sleep every night.
[at job interview]
It says here that you are very hands on.
Yes, sir, I am.
Can you give me an example of this?
*gently caresses his face*
NICE TO MEAT YOU, I scream as I throw slices of salami at strangers
“The Mothership has returned. Gather your things and inform the others.”
Sex is the most fun you can have in life without gaining weight or having a hangover the next day.
she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now?
“…there ar plenty of fish in the sea”
OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew
ME: [I don’t hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]
*puts on sexy underwear and high heels*
*searches for scissors to extricate whip from hair*