
I’m looking for something with the health benefits of yoga but absolutely none of the yoga
I’m looking for something with the health benefits of yoga but absolutely none of the yoga
Christianity: One woman’s lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.
*plane starts to crash*
Don’t worry, Jesus is my co-pilot
*looks over to see Jesus jumping out with the only parachute*
Well hell
[trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex]
Her: faster! faster!
Me: oh god no
Many racist Trump supporters were stung by Clinton’s speech calling them a “basket of deplorables.” The rest had to go look up “deplorable.”
Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
“You suck.”
“No, you suck.”
“Really, you suck.”
“Please, you suck.”
“You suck, I insist.”— Polite vampires.
11: I will avenge your death
Me: nobody’s killed me
11: well when someone does
My toxic trait is working out for twelve minutes, then rewarding myself with chips and salsa, and eating them until I can no longer breathe.
My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can’t stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot.