covid spelled backwards is devil. Don’t look just take my word for it.
In 2009, Stephen Hawking hosted an open party for everyone, but only publicized it after it was over; so only time-travelers would know to attend.
As he expected, no one came.
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Damn girl, are you ordering a third omelette? Then omelette you pay this bill! Lol!
No but seriously I forgot my wallet.
Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Talked to someone today about remaining human when society crumbles. Was told to “please pull up to the window.”
There’s a fine line between myth and reality and booze blurs it nicely.
My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
me: dad? it took 27 years of searching but I finally found you!
dad: mhmm now it’s your turn to hide
Wife: It’s like we don’t even know each other anymore
Me: Not this crap again, Brenda
Wife: That’s not my name
ME: I’d like to take out a loan
CASHIER: Okay, what kind?
ME: A tober
ME: A toberloan
CASHIER: Are you trying to say Toblerone?
I’ve received so many Viagra emails my laptop opened on its own.
HI I’M GOING TO HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLY LOUD YET PRIVATE PHONE CALL ON THIS BUS AND EXHIBIT A STUNNING LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. THANK YOU.