@Robert_Beau: In a parallel universe nobody can park.
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@TheToxicWaster: I walked a girl down into the dark woods. She said it's very scary. I said how do you think i feel i have to walk back alone..
@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@PFTompkins: Happening now: The young lady sitting next to me on the plane sneezed & I said “Bless you” & she thanked me then she immediately sneezed again & I said “You only get one” and oh she did NOT laugh
@ixix82: By 33, you'd think I'd have figured out at some point along the way where to put my arms when I sleep.