In Michelin star restaurants, Sloppy Joes are called Untidy Josephs.
You Might Also Like
I wanna rock and roll for 20 minutes tops and party for as long as it takes to seem normal before leaving without saying goodbye to anyone
I asked my son if he wanted his sandwich on toast for lunch, and he said, “I’ll make it myself because you and the toaster aren’t friends.”
Other people were raised to kiss the chef if they found a bay leaf in their food too, right? Why is this restaurant asking me to leave
[After performing the Dirty Dancing lift at our wedding]
ME: Well that sure impressed them!
WIFE [gasping for breath] You’re getting heavier
man: want a carrot?
horse: ok.
man: we’re friends now right.
horse: i guess.
man: great hey can you help me move.
My wife is still mad about the time I seductively went under the covers…slid off the end of the bed…and then army crawled out of the bedroom.
Them: Yoga is so relaxing, don’t you think?
Me: *thinking about the time I did yoga and my kids started hitting me with whisks and spatulas* Um yeah, sure…
Neo is 57-years-old he’s definitely taking the blue pills.
When a food fight breaks out during Thanksgiving dinner, creamed corn casserole finally reaches its full potential.
me tracking my package 5 minutes after i just ordered it
“This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall.”
-Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Why did they call it a diaper blowout and not a shituation.
Hey babe, are you my 47th open browser tab, because you are not responding
People should throw rice at baptisms and not weddings that little baby is all wet and needs help drying.
I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
Disney: okay i guess we’ll close the parks but ONLY because it’s above a category 3
If that cute guy doesn’t approach you at a bbq, he is probably just intimidated by how many sausages you’re eating.
Boom, boom, ching!
[at church]
ME: the fabric on these pews is so soft
HER: omg put your pants back on
Maybe you should trust the CDC on how to handle a pandemic over your cousin Matt who is banned from Denny’s for setting off firecrackers.
Twitter keeps throwing in “in case you missed it” on my timeline…. I’ve been on twitter for the last 16 hours, I didnt miss it.
[trying to fit in with people at the gym]
me: *takes a big swig of gatorade* wow you can really taste the gator
someone using bare hands to put salad on a plate is letting you know they’re not here for discussions about etiquette or anything really
OK I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS WHOLE HILLARY EMAILS THING. TURNS OUT THEYRE LIKE A FAST KIND OF MAIL THAT GOES IN THE COMPUTER.
The airline I’m traveling in just made an announcement that said all mobile phones, laptops and PAGERS should be switched off. If I own a pager in 2022, I won’t need an airplane to travel. I’ll just use my time machine.
Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep
You can lead a horse to water and if he walks on it congratulations you found horse jesus.
[in someone else’s master bathroom]
5-year-old: They have two sinks.
Me: Yeah.
5: One for each hand.
It was the third time that summer they’d dug up her garden, and Barbara decided it was time to send the bunnies a message.
