I meant to tell a flight attendant I needed a lavatory but I said laboratory instead, and that’s how I got strip searched at 35K feet.
*in the cinema, quietly reading the book of the movie*
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Gang tip: If a rival gang tags their symbol on your turf, don’t cover it. Add a drawing of Calvin peeing on it.
Now who’s stupid? They are!
was kung fu fighting, but i
was haiku writing
TV ANNOUNCER: Up next, the Masked Singer.
I just want to live in a world where stupid people don’t knock on a locked bathroom door shouting, “anyone in there?!”
GF: Oh god it’s a bear!
Me: *Stuffs socks down front of pants*
GF: What are you doing?
Me: Making myself look big
Bear: Well hi
I get all my cardio the old fashioned way; by running from my problems.
Google search history:
Is there a j in marawana
Wheat for smoking
The Republicans haven’t got a single candidate who could survive a Willie Wonka factory tour.
[The First Halloween: October 31, 17 A.D.]
KID: I’m hungry
DAD: Go ask the neighbour for food